me. ME?

Today I know for sure, the word resistance has a very powerful meaning (or at least to me-and my lazy body). I woke up at 9.45 ish, and as usual, dragged myself outta bed at least 30 minutes later, and straight to LAPTOP. Geez! Maybe if someone were to Suoer-glued me (literally) to my laptop, our moment of seperable will no longer limited to bathroom-affairs. And back to my lazy day, I ate the remaining of my 5 hours labour (Oxtail Soup) and lazed on sofa, savouring on my daily over-dose dope of His writing. Still, entertained on day two. You got me hooked, dude.

Anyways, due to my being procrastinator, I have been extremely unproductive and yielding mountainous work to do, that I could have done many ages ago. Now it all sums up, with my worries over university transfers, subject combination, my parents coming here, also my Canadian visa problem (saving for the next paragraph!). See how much it all accumulates in my head? Geez, I didnt know that I could be this unefficient when it comes to holiday period. Where did I spent those 4 weeks on? Where was the motivation I set aside to study TOEFL despite being on holiday? tell me WHEREEEEEE~

The funny thing is that, Im sure to hell, not to mistook my personality as any kind other than someone, who measures how good her day was by recounting how productive she is, or how much she has crossed off from her to-do list. But what's with the moral deterioration?
A quiet voice inside my heart, that took me long time to admit, seems to tell me that I no longer cares about myself, my future, the people surround me with their expectations, as much as I used to. What has gotten into me? Im having too much fun, and swerved a LOT more than what I could anticipate myself. Now I have trully understood what my boyfriend has been saying "jangan cakap abes", which in English translation could probably mean "dont be too sure/confident". Since I didnt forsee nor I admit to myself that Im digressing, I began the process of self-denial: Iam still having full control of myself, and leading myself to where I ought to be (notice that I used OUGHT instead of GOTTA), darn proud, I might say. I kept not listening whats inside my heart was telling me about. Now I know that self-dialogue, though it sounds monologue, could have said a lot about things that you dont bother to take a second look at, nor spend more than 1 minute digging on it.

I somewhat feel more human-ly this holiday. I know that I possessed some characteristics that defines human, like: lazyness, digression, mood-swing,lost,and apparently, ego. One thing that I'd never realize I have it, up till my relationship got me discover them. Thank you Baby, you regain me back my sense of humanity, or more like, makes me feel like complete human. Now I know that Im as humane as anyone else there is in the world, meaning that any unfortunate events in the form of mental disorders/whatevs, I could be having those too. Now, the stake is,I know where the problems are, and what gonna differentiate me and them: knowing that im diverting and handling it fast/ being ignorant and going downhill with it.

Not too bad huh, for a holiday. This experience SHOULD be enriching, and not a PASSER-BY.

Not Quitting,
Arella.

(not) Shopping Spree

Today i was kind of lazy (which I always have been in the past weeks), but unlike any other days, the resistance of moving my body today was kinda bad. I was super-glued to my lappie today, there goes my breeding addiction to Twitter! Me and Alina were talking about it on Tuesday, how she was following many actress and celebrities whom she likes and the current happenings in Twitter world; Kanye West openly saying he'd rather Beyonce won the award than Taylor Swift :s And without realizing, i began my hunt to know people's updates in Twitter. Today i was "stalking" my junior high school peeps. Break up somehow dominates the Tweets (or my eyes were being selective?), sorry dear strangers! Im over the moon with my love-life right now ( i know some of you might wanna throw your shoes at me, which by the way, are NOT permissable). HAHA.

My but began to feel to hot and stuffy from sitting on the couch for over 3 hours (Raditya Dika, you are utterly responsible on this. By the way, read him here.
He is the type of Indonesian guy I will probably want to marry. Well, that is IF I can found any other Indonesian guys who have wits in their mind. Honestly, I thought his mind is what I can call "fresh" without any difficulty in comparing him, versus the fruits at QFC. Totally funny, matter of fact, and entertaining. I was somewhat hooked by his writing style and was simply amazed in his ability to weave words into something that are so pleasant to read. His well-versed facts was somewhat dashing off my hopes of finding any guys from the Motherland who possess the same trait of being well-read. Geez, you fascinate me.

And to somewhat ligtened up my assumption of being lazyass, I tried to tell my limbs to move and bring me out. Mr Driver brought me to Nortgate Mall. Tak salah lagi karena ingin membeli sesuatu kebutuhan yang mengingat demandnya, menjadikan harganya tidak sepatutnya MAHAL. I spent 103.00 on 4 Bras today. Nope it's not something fancy from Victoria Secret, nor it sexy as hell like how you think of Lingerie is. They are just the simple ones. I know it's kinda taboo thing to talk on blog over m y experience buying them in US, but, you (esp GUYS) gotta know. I spent long time walkng over the section, finding those without paddings just to get disappointed that 90% of those that sold there were WITH padding. It might give you the clarification on why american girls are seemingly have fulling tits as compared to Asians. Those bras sold in Singapore has about less than 5% of padding over all bra population lol.

Here is all. GOod night~

emosi ilusi

Maybe the most horrible feeling i have ever felt is the feeling of being wasted. Like when you tried to pick up someone's coin on the floor, already squatting, but someone else has got it all picked up, or when you have brought umbrella (which you normally dont), and it was darn sunny the whole day.

Maybe my examples are more like digression than elaboration, but anyways, im trying to emphasize that it feels so bad when you have channeled my willingness and intention, to get us back on track through my favorite route, but you chose to have a shortcut and shortened the beauty of making up. The same with "I tried hard to get the vibe and chemistry works better, but you were not responsive" in humane works. Many moments passed when I thought "I cant possibly be missing the beauty of many dancing-away moments, or the light weaving-romance moments together with you". But yeah apparently I just did. Not blaming you though. Just that reality strikes hard, maybe my importance is not as absolute as it once was. And Im in the position whereby I have the whole day in the world to start noticing, feeling, apprehending the situation. GAH!

Conscience told me to be a lil more patient, and lenient, but what is a girl with no ego? I used to think that ego actually gives direction, but now i feel its kinda the digressing power; I concentrate more on satisfying my ego rather than getting to where we should be in the stage of relationship that we share. I ended up being demanding, with no apparent reason, as to make things better, or just to let my stuffy chest out. I feel so naggy these days, though i have ground proof for those, like how my importance has slid off. Maybe you are acting humane to avoid the constant discomforts. But still, I hope you get it, one day.

Theres still much love for you and I to share.